A little bit of B.A.D.


Well, I don’t really have all that much to write, but I felt if I didn’t do another post ASAP One-Woman Show might go dark forever.

Wha-huh? Where did that come from? What’s with the sad music? Susan doesn’t know how to load sound onto her blog. This can’t be good…

See, I think I’m suffering from Blogging Affect Disorder.

I’ve been having a hard time finding the motivation to blog lately and pretty much have doubted anything I write will be worth the screen it shows up on.

Which wouldn’t be bad considering a new Dell 17" flat panel monitor costs over $230 and brings hours of glare-free enjoyment, but let’s not get sidetracked with facts — I’m wallowing over here, ‘kay? (BTW, I won’t even tell you how long I just spent revising — and then explaining — that analogy so it would make some sense. And it really doesn’t. And it’s not really an analogy, is it? *sigh*)

This meh attitude is nothing personal; I’m just going through my strongest case yet of feeling tapped out — of energy, time and ideas. Is it because I’m 40? Over-extended and not able to focus? I don’t know. (Hint: I’ll take a "maybe" and "definitely" for $500!) I see so many fellow bloggers and writers (particularly those who also are parents) pull it off and I’m truly in awe of them, even if I don’t understand how they do it. (I’ve been going through a few spats of jealousy, too. Most greens look good on me, but that  shade certainly doesn’t.) I guess I’ve been getting caught up in what others are writing (in blogs and through other venues), and how they’re writing it, and how often they’re writing it, rather than fine tuning what I want to write in my own voice.

It’s just sometimes I don’t know what that is at all.

I might add my voice comes in flat, midwestern tones. Thank GOD she doesn’t know how to add sound here…

I’ve given very serious consideration in the last few months, and very recently, to giving it up altogether  — commence "gasp!"/wail sequence — so I can focus on my non-bloggy writing, plus other areas I’ve neglected — like getting back to a healthier weight and fitness level, and spending more time in front of my kids, not with my back to them as I sit in front of the computer during those precious few hours I have to myself.

But I’m going to see what I can manage and possibly change with this blog now and into 2009 (sigh of relief — or was that a yawn?). As they say, you gotta "be the change," so if you’re game — and willing to work through some changes, pauses and fine tuning — then, I am, too.

Because, you know, I never do things the easy way!

PS. Hope you’re getting through the holiday season with sanity intact. I won’t argue if you want to send me a new 17" flat panel monitor either.