Etiquette

The other night we were driving over to my parents for dinner and T-Rex said to his sister, “Hey, Drama Girl, is my nose bleeding?”

She responded that no, his nose wasn’t bleeding.

I asked him why he thought his nose was bleeding — he’s had one nose bleed that I can recall in his 7 years — and he said something like, “I just want to make sure if someone looks up my nose it isn’t bleeding.”

Me: “Hmm. Do many people look up your nose?”

Him: “No.”

Drama Girl: “No, that wouldn’t be appropriate.”

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On a more serious note, today I’m having lunch with The Ex. After I told the kids about my engagement to FlyBoy/J. and how J. one day would be joining our family I called my ex-husband, who I’ve had a good relationship with since our divorce 6 years ago, and told him the news. I wanted him to hear it from me, not them.

Well, he didn’t react negatively exactly, but he was in shock. I tried to be straightforward, honest and explained the potential timeline, but let’s just say I lost him at “hello…I’m getting married again.” We spoke for about 15 minutes, he thanked me for telling him the news and we hung up.

As I suspected, after a bit of time went by for him to process the news, he wrote to me with his concerns and questioned me on one or two things that, frankly, really weren’t any of his business.

I answered his questions as maturely and as kindly as possible; I realized he was expressing concerns as a father, but I also understood there likely were other emotions running under the surface. (He’s been dating someone for about 3 years, so some of it may not even have to do with my situation…but that’s none of my business!) I told him I’d be happy to talk further.

To my surprise he sent me an email a few days later saying he was sorry he had acted the way he did, and that he knows I have the kids’ interest at heart. He then wrote, “…I know the best thing for our kids is for your marriage to be happy and stable, and I’ll do whatever I can to help.”

Wow. That brought a tear to my eye. And it still does. I feel very lucky to have The Ex in our kids’ — and therefore my — corner.

So we’re meeting for lunch to talk through some things. J. has also offered to talk to him, if he wants, but first things first. I’m not sure what the etiquette is with an ex-spouse, but I think honesty, maturity, and kindness would be an appropriate start.

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Yet another reason I love chocolate

First, let me say a big Thank You! for your comments about my engagement news (for the full effect, start with Part I) — it was so nice to get the “thumbs up” from everyone. But seeing I’ve already jumped out of a plane and am now jumping for joy I better figure out what I can do next in order to keep my blog stats up!

I confess I knew the big question was coming because we had talked about our next step — and, therefore, I had the posts and punchline “written” in my head for at least a month — but I didn’t know exactly when or how he’d propose. I met up with him over Valentine’s Day weekend in Norfolk, Virginia, where he was on his 2-week annual Navy Reserves tour. I suspected it might happen while I was there and he didn’t disappoint.

And J. knows me too well: I’m a sucker for the creative, straightforward and sincere approach. I also love chocolate, so it was fitting that he asked me with M&Ms — ones that said:

“Susan” (White M&Ms) “Will You” (Pink) “Marry Me” (Red)

(He backed it up with a  verbal, non-dessert proposal.)

He got me a mini-gumball machine full of extras because, sure enough, I had to eat some of the initial stash. He knows me too well.

Anyhoo, with the cat out of the bag we’re heading into planning mode. I always thought if I got married again it would be a small affair, but this is J.’s first marriage (and let’s hope his last!) and he has a large extended family. It’s a tad overwhelming, but I suppose me having some experience and perspective from the first time around helps. It’s all good.

Or, as T-Rex said a few days ago, “Mom, it’s weird and exciting.”

Yep.