Hotel Hipsta How I Miss Ya

I traveled to NYC on business this week to attend an industry roundtable/seminar. It was a great opportunity to meet colleagues in the same line of work in our industry, to share ideas and to simply get back to the Big Apple. (I convinced myself of this last part as I waited through a 2-hour delay followed by a roller coaster-esque landing into LaGuardia caused by the storm that moved from home due east to…NYC. Bam!)

The dinner and meeting were held in the Meatpacking District – once a neighborhood of drug addicts and prostitutes, now a place where you can walk down the street at night from your luxury hotel to Ted Baker to buy a $200 tie.

And, oh, how my hotel oozed hip, sophisticated, urban-cool!

I totally overlooked it when I first arrived – I was late for dinner and a little woozy from the plane landing /ACCELERATE BRAKE ACCELERATE BRAKE technique the driver used to get me there. So, it wasn’t until I came back from dinner that I saw the photograph on the wall of my room. It was like one of those fragrance or fashion ads I imagine I’d find in Vogue, if I cared enough about fragrances or fashion to read Vogue. Hipster skinny dude smiling seductively at a woman straddling the armrest of a sofa or something. Her back was to the camera, but I’m pretty sure she was smiling (seductively) back at him and not at all concerned that her top was falling off her shoulder, or that she forgot to put pants on that morning.

So there was that.

Then, I saw the tiny bottles of energy drinks on the nightstand, but not the Five Hour Energy obnoxious-rainbow-color kind you see all over the place. These sported restrained, high-end labels and, if memory serves, coconut flavoring.

Then, I noticed the extras left in the bathroom for me:  a package containing an orange thong (sadly, size Small and even sadder, priced at $22) and a rubber ducky personal massager with the command, “Get Wet”.

This got me thinking:

  1. Does every guest at a luxury hipster hotel get these?
  2. Do men get orange g-strings while women get thongs? Are other colors and styles available?
  3. Do most women (or men) buying the orange thong care that their dollars are helping low income women, as was promised on the packaging?
  4. Did I really look that bad when I checked in that the slickster at the reception desk felt compelled to call in the RELAX. DON’T DO IT. SWAT team to drop these goodies on my counter?

Don’t get me wrong:  I like ducks and photography and new underwear as much as the next girl, although orange isn’t my best color.  (And, no, I didn’t purchase anything. Are you kidding me? I can barely get an expense report approved without some glitch in the system when I buy coffee at the airport.) I wasn’t offended; I just found it all very amusing. The hotel was nice, but seemed to be trying a little too hard. The bed was comfie, which, frankly, was hip enough for me.


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