A little bit of B.A.D.

 

Well, I don’t really have all that much to write, but I felt if I didn’t do another post ASAP One-Woman Show might go dark forever.

Wha-huh? Where did that come from? What’s with the sad music? Susan doesn’t know how to load sound onto her blog. This can’t be good…

See, I think I’m suffering from Blogging Affect Disorder.

I’ve been having a hard time finding the motivation to blog lately and pretty much have doubted anything I write will be worth the screen it shows up on.

Which wouldn’t be bad considering a new Dell 17" flat panel monitor costs over $230 and brings hours of glare-free enjoyment, but let’s not get sidetracked with facts — I’m wallowing over here, ‘kay? (BTW, I won’t even tell you how long I just spent revising — and then explaining — that analogy so it would make some sense. And it really doesn’t. And it’s not really an analogy, is it? *sigh*)

This meh attitude is nothing personal; I’m just going through my strongest case yet of feeling tapped out — of energy, time and ideas. Is it because I’m 40? Over-extended and not able to focus? I don’t know. (Hint: I’ll take a "maybe" and "definitely" for $500!) I see so many fellow bloggers and writers (particularly those who also are parents) pull it off and I’m truly in awe of them, even if I don’t understand how they do it. (I’ve been going through a few spats of jealousy, too. Most greens look good on me, but that  shade certainly doesn’t.) I guess I’ve been getting caught up in what others are writing (in blogs and through other venues), and how they’re writing it, and how often they’re writing it, rather than fine tuning what I want to write in my own voice.

It’s just sometimes I don’t know what that is at all.

I might add my voice comes in flat, midwestern tones. Thank GOD she doesn’t know how to add sound here…

I’ve given very serious consideration in the last few months, and very recently, to giving it up altogether  — commence "gasp!"/wail sequence — so I can focus on my non-bloggy writing, plus other areas I’ve neglected — like getting back to a healthier weight and fitness level, and spending more time in front of my kids, not with my back to them as I sit in front of the computer during those precious few hours I have to myself.

But I’m going to see what I can manage and possibly change with this blog now and into 2009 (sigh of relief — or was that a yawn?). As they say, you gotta "be the change," so if you’re game — and willing to work through some changes, pauses and fine tuning — then, I am, too.

Because, you know, I never do things the easy way!

PS. Hope you’re getting through the holiday season with sanity intact. I won’t argue if you want to send me a new 17" flat panel monitor either.

 

 

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17 thoughts on “A little bit of B.A.D.

  1. I would certainly be bummed if the lights went out here, but I would understand. These things do take time and energy. Whatever you decide to do, I hope you won’t give up on dropping comments on other blogs so we can keep up with you in some fashion. But really don’t feel compelled to blog unless you want to. I’m a patient guy, I’ll wait.

  2. T says:

    Girl!! It is your blog. And you are rather busy with life and love! You should be celebrating!!

    I’m with Jim. I too would be bummed if you had to close down the One Woman Show but I’d be glad to see you still around the blogosphere. We’d still be in touch anyway, right?

    Besides, its not like you’re giving up writing altogether. You do have other writing ventures ongoing. So, no need to feel any sort of “green”….

    I hope you’re enjoying your holidays! Sending you love, as always!

  3. Jim and T, thanks for your feedback and comments. I felt silly even posting something like this, but I’m so much a ‘closure’ kind of gal, I kind of had to write it out, for my peace of mind and to give myself permission to do whatever I decide to do — even if I didn’t have any readers at all. Whatever I decide going forward about frequency and what I blog about, I’d still be visiting my fav blogs! Oh, don’t you worry about that 😉

  4. Yeah, I have ZERO trouble relating to your meh-ness. I mean, when you combine artistic aspirations with this insane season we’re in, and you’re bound to end up with some weapons-grade ennui. That’s how it works at my house, anyway.

    Do what you gotta do, Susan. (As long as you keep writing SOMEplace — you’re too good to stop all of it, you realize. We’d all come find you and MAKE you write stuff.)

  5. I hear ya. I’m struggling to keep going. I’ve got myself a bad case of B.A.D. spurred by post-NaNoWriMo blues. Then there’s that whole S.A.D. thing, too.

    I hope you do keep going, since we are blog-pals… but I’m selfish that way.
    🙂

  6. Jeff, thanks for your support. (Folks, Manslations the book is ready for your order NOW!!) And, trust me, I know how hard it is for everyone at this time of year — responsibilities and holiday ho-ho-humming for weeks straight with and without kids, employers, family, friends, parties, neighbors, the mailman, the Brooklyn cockroaches…

    Actually, I hope you don’t have that last one. But if they’re wearing little santa hats, please take a picture and send it over.

    Liz – thanks. My bad was making me sad, but now all of your comments (and the fact my Christmas shopping is almost done…sort of) is making me glad. I know, keep my day job.

  7. No santa-clad roaches. We did, however, just get done with a herd of yuletide mice, trotting around our apartment all night long. (Sounded like a 2 inch tall Savion Glover was practicing under the bed.) So festive, let me tell you.

  8. it’s so tough.

    have always enjoyed your blog.

    must do what is best for you, but i think the best thing is post something if you’re really feeling it.

    i think i would miss mine if i didn’t have it, but somedays i sit down and it’s like….nothing.

    your blog is about you. YOU do what YOU want with it, blogosphere be damned.

  9. Susan, many bloggers and podcasters go through ups and downs. Writers and creative people of all stripes do.

    I hope that, once you get through the events and tasks that now occupy your time, you’ll rediscover the feeling of wanting to share something on your blog. I bet you will.

    One alternative you might consider is using the blog more like a miniblog — just posting individual sentences and quotes, photos, links that interest you. Sometimes you might add a comment, sometimes not. I’ve noticed that many people who write for a living — journalists, pro bloggers, screenwriters — choose a miniblog format. Has all the conversation and interaction of a blog without the requirement to compose paragraphs and set them in order. (See, for example, Sherrie Flick’s new site.

    Happy holidays!

  10. Treemama, Allison and Cindy – thanks for your comments; I appreciate them. I’ll consider, too, the other format, Cindy. I know you’ve tried that in the past; something to consider.

  11. Susan,

    Along with the others, I wish to extend my gratitude for your efforts and hope that you decide against closing down. Perhaps a “leave of absence” might be a better short-term solution…

    All the best to you and your family this holiday season (I sound like a tagline from a Budweiser’Clydesdales commercial).

    Jon Moncrief

  12. I go through moments all the time where I just want to quit blogging. But I do it because it’s good for me to process my thoughts and emotions, and write. And the immediate feedback is priceless.

    I find some of my posts that get the biggest reactions are things I thought didn’t matter much, and I dashed off in fifteen minutes.

    Keep writing!

  13. Susan, as a struggling, on-again-off-again blogger, it’s flabbergasting to me to hear you question your talents. You are one of my blogging heroes! I hope you’ll continue in 2009. I need the inspiration 🙂

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