Corporate carnivores

Just back from a sales meeting and thought I’d share with you a few key phrases I overheard during one of the presentations. I was a little confused about what they meant, so I took a stab* at translating them:

“The turkey’s on the table” — If you watch less of the Today show and work harder, fatty poultry products will magically appear in your kitchen/bonus check.

“There’s still meat on the bone” — Take your clients to lunch to discuss business opportunities and eat the steak off of their plates.

“Like shooting fish in a barrel” — Um, go attack harmless life forms with no chance of escape…because you can?

Thank God I heard at least one “go after the low-hanging fruit” because, frankly, I was concerned about everyone’s sodium intake and cholesterol.

*no forks were used to stab this blog post, only my caffeine-deprived wit

(I think I need to stop at the store tonight and pick up the fourth season of The Office on dvd.)

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10 thoughts on “Corporate carnivores

  1. Co-Worker says:

    Well I am glad to see they are referring to food for this sales meeting. Sad part is I can see the faces of who has said these things.
    Typically they want you to reach out and embrace, that sounds more loving than it really is.
    Just a few more more key phrases to be aware of: reverse engineer, add color and dig in.

  2. T says:

    Oh my… such typical corporate speak. I remember the first time I heard the ex say, “grippin’ and grinnin'” … I was like “Huh?”

    It is its own language, isn’t it?

    I love the Office too! I just sent season 1 to my soldier.

  3. Co-Worker: I’ll circle back with you to get the 411 on those new phrases!

    (Seriously, I had never heard so many food references in one half hour before. I was hungry by the time I left the meeting.)

    T: I just recently started watching the Office and it’s so funny — and scary at the same time because I see the truth!It’s like Dilbert all over again.

    Regarding the DVDs, I hope your soldier likes the show. I was trying to be nice to Fly Boy, who’s a huge fan, so I picked up a copy of the Season 4 dvd set for him last night. It just came out. Wouldn’t you know that when I called him later he was watching — you guessed it — season 4, which he bought for himself. Grr…

    But at the end of the day we were on the same page. It’s all about the bottom line, isn’t it?! 🙂

  4. curt says:

    ha! some of my “office sayings” (non-food-related variety) favorites (with my translations) are:

    “let’s tee it up” — gotta love using golfing metaphors for bringing up a new topic/idea/sales opportunity. makes me want to throw a titleist at the person saying it.

    “I don’t want to take us down the rabbit hole, but…” — we need to talk about something potentially unpleasant or, even worse, possibly off-topic.

    “we need to take this off-line” — since you took us down the rabbit hole and this subject is unpleasant/off-topic, this is not the time nor place to have this convo — so, let’s talk later.

    “convo” — short for conversation, of course. stupid. now, they have ME using it.

    “let’s think outside the box” — an oldie and still not a goodie.

    I’m sure that there are a million more fun terms/phrases that I am forgetting — but, I am getting older and it’s now expected for me to start forgetting things.

    as for “the office” — what took you so long? now, we just gotta get you into “entourage” — ari gold is my hero.

  5. Oh, my gosh, corporate speak!

    I’ve been out of it for a while, but some of my favorites were, “Let’s do it quick and dirty,” “She needs to be more of a team player,” and “Let’s talk turkey!”

  6. Oh, man. I love your translations!

    Fortunately I’ve never had to deal with all of that, and hopefully never will!

    And yes, The Office is absolutely hilarious! It’s one of my favorite shows 🙂

  7. I don’t miss all the blue sky thinking nonsense. The last meeting I can recall was with a consultant banging on about rock-pool living or something. My old place was just like The Office, the british version though.

  8. I’ll never forget my first meeting at my new job…went something like:

    “Let’s connect on that and gain some intel on the GR angle, see what we can gleen from the DMs”

    “Gotcha. I’ll ping you when I have a line on that.”

    WTF?

  9. Ha! Funny… I used to be a Realtor in one of the bigger corporations. This meeting sounds a lot like it. When I joined a smaller company (tiny, tiny – just five of us) my first question at the interview was, “Are there sales meetings?” Deal-breaker issue. Thankfully, we’ve had about two in two years! And not a single sales phrase was used. 🙂

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