Query me this

Over the weekend I finished revising and sprucing up my query letter, synopsis and first three chapters of my manuscript — again…I think I’m up to at least my fifth draft. Today I mailed the package to the agent I pitched to a few weeks ago. Wow — what a feeling… of panic, then calm, then full-blown anxiety:

Susan thinking to herself:  What if the envelope falls apart? I should have bought a heavier envelope. Damn. What if it doesn’t meet postal standards? I mean, the nice man at the post office would have told me if it didn’t, right?

Voice of Rumi: Your seeking is the key to what you seek, this quest is your army and the victory of your banners.

Susan: Okay, you’re right, of course. The envelope will make it. It was made by Mead — that’s what they do, like me “doing” my writing. But maybe I should have sent it with a delivery confirmation. No, that would be stupid. That’s like one of those things that only desperate newbie writers do that agents blog about later.

Rumi: I was a tiny bug. Now a mountain. I was left behind. Now honored at the head…

Susan: What?

Voice of Oprah: Honey, don’t listen to him! He’s just in his groove. Now, listen, you did a good thing. Real integrity is doing the right thing — like sending that baby novel of yours out into the big bad world — knowing that nobody’s going to know whether you did it or not.

Susan: But I have a blog. I’m blogging about it right now so now everyone knows. I should have paid for delivery confirmation, shouldn’t I have? Shit.

Oprah: I trust that everything happens for a reason, even when we’re not wise enough to see it.

Susan: What? So if the US Postal Service loses my query package there’s a reason for it?! Yeah, because I didn’t pay for delivery confirmation and got some cheap-ass envelope!

Voice of Joseph Campbell: Susan, it will be all right. We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.

Oprah: You said it, Joe! You are LIVING YOUR BEST LIFE, GIRL!

Susan: Well, I don’t know… I’m actually really tired after all of this. My eyeballs feel like they’re going to fall out of my head.

Joseph Campbell: Your life is the fruit of your own doing. You have no one to blame but yourself.

Susan: Okay, great, so now I’ve screwed that up, too. [Susan mutters something under her breath.]

Joseph Campbell: The adventure of the hero — hey, why am I the only one here with a first and last name?

Rumi: Indeed, Joseph Campbell, envy is a defect; worse than any other.

Jospeh Campbell: Look, you flowery-worded twit, I am so sick of you interrupting with that mumbo-jumbo —

Oprah: Boys! You cannot hate other people without hating your self! Where there is no struggle, there is no strength!

Rumi: Oh, put a sock in it, O. And why do you always have to be on the cover of that magazine of yours?

Oprah: It’s MY magazine, you imbecile!

Susan: I hope the agent likes my query. But I know she might not. But maybe another agent will.  I mean, I know this fretting is all part of the process. I’ve never done this before. You do think she’ll like it, don’t you? 

A Male MySpace “Fan”: You look so cute at your age! [yep, another real live goody]

Susan: At my AGE? MY AGE? All right, I’ve had it with all of you… hey, what if this actually works?

By the way, for good measure I sent a few email queries and will be sending some by snail mail this week, too. Let’s get this query party started…

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13 thoughts on “Query me this

  1. T says:

    OMG! That’s my friend Susan. You are back and you are ON FIRE!

    Of course, you knew I’d love this post most of all with you quoting all the most quotable.

    I’m seriously in tears giggling over here.

    You are good girl. I can’t imagine how she wouldn’t LOVE your proposal. Especially if its anything like your blog.

    Whew! ::wipes the tears from her eyes::

    That was really good for me.

    (My favorites: when JC noticed he was the only one with a last name. Oh and why is Oprah on every cover anyway??!!)

  2. Pat pat pat… it’s OK honey. It’s always scary the first time. You’ll get used to it over time and it won’t hardly hurt at all.
    😉
    Yay, Susan!!

  3. lol! What a wonderful conversation!

    A query letter! My goodness! How wonderful it must feel to be at the point of needing a query letter!

    Best of luck in this endeavor. And also, MySpace is an absolute cesspool. I feel like I’m contracting something every time I log in.

  4. Littlemansmom says:

    You’re done…YOU’RE DONE!!!! Yay!!!…now go sit back, relax with a glass of wine and let Oprah come to you…. 😉

  5. Perfectly brilliant! I love it. Have you ever written a screenplay?

    Release the query with loving kindness and then believe…that’s what I was taught in yoga/writing school, but I’ve yet to practice. Oh, and save any PFOs, Stephen King saved every one. And, write yourself a post-dated cheque…

  6. Everyone: thanks for the encouragement, and, yes, I was quite amused with myself writing this post.

    Liz (and Mini): I’m sure I’ll get used to it…but I wasn’t sure if you meant the voices in my head, anxiety, or looming rejection. 🙂

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