The Case of the Missing Blogger

Hello, dear readers!

Do you remember a witty, charming and intelligent blogger named Susan, who largely disappeared for the month of February, outside of book reviews and confessing to celebrity crushes gone bad?

No? Well, how about just a blogger named Susan?

(If you’ve answered “No” for a second time, please skip to the end. Otherwise, read on.)

Let me start by saying that you may have noticed in reading my blog that occasionally my magical thinking skills kick in, making me write things like, “I promise I’ll be back on track tomorrow” when in reality I live my life like I handle home improvement projects. That is, things take twice as long as I think they will take. I don’t mean for it to be that way, but as you know, I drop a few balls now and then. And now. And then.

So, where have I, your mystery blogger, been? Let’s find out below. I’m also going to do some multitasking here and throw in random trivia for you, as my pal Mini at Minivan Bohemian tagged me for a random facts meme.

Susan, did you win the lottery and spend the month of February trying to figure out how in the WORLD you were going to choose which island to buy?

No. I don’t buy islands. Too much upkeep, in my opinion.

Random Fact: Susan likes to talk about winning the lottery, yet she has never bought a lottery ticket for herself. She has, however, participated in group lotteries — none of which have ever panned out. (Thanks a lot, former “we’re gonna get lucky!” co-workers!)

Related Fact: The seamstress where Susan get her suits tailored also sells lottery tickets. Susan is the only non-lottery customer the woman has.

I, your sole, dedicated reader, noticed you did two book reviews on your blog last month. How did that happen? Are you going to do more?

Great question, Sole-Dedicated Reader! (Hi, Mom.)

The authors received my name from a mutual blogging friend and contacted me about their books. Truthfully, I was thrilled to “meet” and network with REAL LIVE PUBLISHED AUTHORS, as both Trey Ellis and Emily Listfield are talented, established, successful writers — and nice to boot! I was a little apprehensive about writing about their books, though, because I wanted to do it right. (I’m not sure I did, but I tried.) I have 2 or 3 additional books that I plan to read for the purpose of posting about them. That said, I don’t plan to review books professionally.

Random Fact: Susan has received 3 more books in the mail from her friends Simon and Schuster. While thrilled with the idea of receiving surprise mail, having MORE books to read — and the implied reviews — made Susan break out in hives. Did we mention Susan’s own pile of unread books is at about 20 now?

Random Fact: Susan has never broken out in hives. Susan just used what is called “creative license” to express that she can be highly neurotic and gets anxious when there are piles of unread books and magazines staring at her all the time — yeah, they stare. Very judgmental, those books.

Related Fact: Last year, Susan abruptly canceled her subscriptions to all magazines except for Writer’s Digest because the unread mags were taunting her from the coffee table.

Also Related: Susan canceled her Working Mother subscription years ago because she felt inferior to their cover models, women who single handedly raise millions of dollars for impoverished nations, feed their kids healthy meals, look like a million bucks when grocery shopping, and have launched successful companies without needing venture capital (or a rich husband/sugar daddy) to do it.

And, no, Susan has never needed venture capital, nor has she ever slept with a venture capitalist or had a rich husband. Sugar daddies may be optional going forward. Just in case you were wondering.

Phew, Susan. That was way more than we I wanted to know. So, if you weren’t reading/reviewing all month, were you writing? I mean, give it up, sister…what is the deal with that “book” of yours?

I worked on my query letter for the book in February. Not as much as I should have, but I did. It was much harder than I thought it would be — and the original draft was in much rougher form than I remembered it being in back in December. After writing a novel you’d think it would be no big deal to write a one page letter. But this is THE LETTER that will get an agent interested in my manuscript — or not. No pressure. But it’s almost there, and I’ll draft the synopsis next week.

I used to be disappointed with myself that it has taken 3 years for me to reach this point, but I’m getting better at reminding myself that I wrote 3 drafts and completed what I think is a good, marketable story in that time – in my spare time.

Random Fact: While Susan wants Oprah to like her book and make her millions by recommending it, she (Susan) thinks it’s a little odd for Oprah to put herself on the cover of her (Oprah’s) magazine EVERY freakin’ month. I know she’s her own brand and all, but…

Random Related Fact: Susan refused to subscribe to O for a few years for this very reason — the sole reason — but then one day she did. She liked the articles…but then became anxious when she couldn’t read the magazines quickly enough and Oprah was staring at her from the coffee table.

Ok, I’ll stop about the magazines now.

How are T-Rex and Drama Girl? It must have been busy with Valentine’s Day and all of that, I don’t know, “kid stuff.”

Oh, Sole-Dedicated (or should I say “So Dedicated”? ho, ho) Reader, you know me so well, don’t you? Yes, last month seemed quite busy with the kids’ school, outside activities/events and filling out blasted “everyone gets a Valentine because we’re still young and it’s not yet a popularity contest that used to make my mother cry” cards. Speaking of which, we had a funny — and frightening — conversation at the local Dairy Queen on Valentine’s Day.

First, DG launched into this whole love-themed conversation, beginning with telling me about the 3 boys she had broken up with recently. Wha-huh? I asked her who they were and why she had “broken up” with them. She said she just felt like it; she decided she needed a new boyfriend. Oh, my… She’s really not that kind of girl, I swear.

T-Rex chimed in that he wanted a hot girlfriend. I choked on my Reese’s Peanut Butter Blizzard.

Then DG went on to tell me that on her first date (when she is a teenager, thankfully) she will come to the DQ and share a vanilla milkshake with the lucky guy. She even pointed out the booth they would share. THEN she launched into this whole line of questioning about whether I still loved her dad, The Ex, and how will she know when she’s in love, etcetera, etcetera. I’m not sure what she or I said after that because I believe I lost consciousness and fell into my Blizzard. Thank god I got the big size – more cushion for the fall.

So, yes, the kids are doing well, thanks for asking. Me, I’m still recovering from that conversation.

Random Fact: T-Rex likes to cross his eyes for fun. Drama Girl just rolls hers.

C’mon, you sound like you weren’t busy at all last month! You must have been distracted with something else all the time you weren’t blogging…

Reader(s), you are right. In between working, mothering, writing (sort of), reading, and living, I continued getting to know the man I began dating in January. I’ll call him Coach, since he spent a number of years coaching high school basketball. Coach is a wonderful man and I feel very lucky to have met him — through online dating, no less! — and to have him in my life. Unfortunately, we’ve had a rough start of things — not because of “us,” but because of a number of crises that have come up in the short time we’ve known each other. Coach attended 4 funerals in 4 weeks’ time, spent a week out of town on an intense business trip, weeks in town working practically nonstop, and had to fly unexpectedly this past weekend out of state for family reasons. Needless to say, although we talk all the time, we haven’t spent much time in person as a couple and that has been hard. We care very much about each other, and we make a good team, no question… but maybe you could send a few happy vibes his way if you have a moment? The man is about to fall over and needs a break. I’m hoping for a break in the clouds, too, for both of us.

Random Fact: Susan told Coach up front she has little to no innate athletic ability. He still went out with her. Coach also knows that Susan has a blog, has read it and says he loves it. (Ah, new love. It’ll make us say anything!) He says he doesn’t mind if she writes about him, but Susan won’t write much…at least for now. Some things are nice to keep just for yourself.

Wow, Dedicated Reader(s), that was long. I’m beat after all that. Maybe I should take March off, too? ๐Ÿ™‚


12 thoughts on “The Case of the Missing Blogger

  1. No more breaks! You must blog with some regularity!!


    In truth, this was a fun wrap-up of everything we missed, yet it would alternatively be fun to read about the events along the way. Do only what you can, of course, but think of us poor readers now and then.

  2. OMG you are hilarious! If taking a break makes you this funny, I think it’s alright. (Oops, Cindy will be ticked I’m condoning this behavior.) If this is indeed the way it works, then when I finally post after my two-week break I oughta be a riot. (Crap, now I’ve put too much pressure on myself.)

  3. Glad to have you back…I feel like such an insider! I’m sending “white light” to you and the Coach…I love nicknames…so did Marilyn Munroe, she had one for everyone (random fact). Enjoy the beautiful moments as they happen and share when you can. The wonderful thing about blogging is that time is condensed and your life is re-lived and recorded for deeper enjoyment.

  4. I like him just because you call him Coach. Very down-to-earth.

    I’m so glad that you’re back! And I finally spent the Amazon gift…

  5. Brace yourself: the kid stuff will get much more explicit and uncomfortable before it gets better. Wait ’till the hormones kick in. Yee haw! And see what I’m sayin’ about the whole creepy ‘V-Day for kids’ vibe?

    Congrats on the early relationship glow! That’s some good stuff, en’t it? It can be hard to decide what to share, though, esp. when they read your stuff. There are tons of good stories I could tell about me ‘n’ Mr B… sigh.

  6. curt says:

    folks — I did see susan myself last weekend in the flesh and can attest that the girl’s been busy!

    sending as many positive thoughts to you and coach — y’all definitely deserve a break today. (so, sue me, mcdonald’s…)

  7. I had just found you when you disappeared into the abyss, so I’m glad you are back.

    Oprah does need to get over herself. She already named the magazine after herself, why in the world does she need a picture, too? Does she really have that much trouble remembering her own name/identity?

  8. Well, gosh, guys. Thank you so much for giving me such a warm welcome back and for your good vibes!

    Burgh Baby’s Mom, thanks for not giving up on me. I love you already! And, Cindy, thank you for your tough love. Folks, Cindy is my friend and writing coach/mentor — it’s her job to keep me in line. Well, it’s not really a job because I don’t pay her, but if it weren’t for her I wouldn’t have a blog in the first place… or a finished book (with the help of her equally talented partners Julie Long and Judy Schneider).

    Sigh…it’s good to be back.

  9. Andrea says:

    I think this is my favorite part: “T-Rex chimed in that he wanted a hot girlfriend. I choked on my Reeseโ€™s Peanut Butter Blizzard.” I have a hilarious visual of that scene in my head.

    Can’t wait to read more!

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