You, my dear readers, have the fortune — or misfortune — that I am off of work this week and, having given up the idea of watching the 92 other early episodes of Lost to catch up before the new season begins, AND procrastinating working on my query letter and book synopsis, I have decided to blog about stuff: deep, introspective stuff and shallow, silly stuff. Here is the deep stuff. (Lighter fare to be served up later.)

Last night I was sitting at the table with the kids when my daughter said, “Mom you are so…[she searches for the appropriate word] unforgettable!” She said this in response to something we were talking about, which I don’t even remember now. I smiled and thanked her, grateful for this reassurance, even if it was about 4 years after I really needed to hear it.

See, in the first year after my divorce there was one thing about being a single mother that frequently left me feeling anxious. I was certainly worried about having to negotiate and raise my children with The Ex without scarring them for life. Yes, I wondered a lot if “the real deal” — i.e., true, lasting love — would be in my future one day. But it was the thought of my mortality that left me laying awake staring at the ceiling many nights — not the idea of death itself, or even dying alone, but the idea that my children would forget I was ever a part of their young lives, especially if I didn’t have a partner “on my side” to remind them.

As I learned how to live alone again, I eventually got over this fear and of course realized I had plenty of family and friends to remind them. Today the kids are old enough to share in the memories we’ve made together, but it was still nice to be reminded last night that I’m as unforgettable to them as they are to me.


5 thoughts on “Unforgettable

  1. Lani says:

    Your daughter is wiser than her years! My Mother and I had a similar conversation a few weeks ago. My Mom was worried that I was scarred for life because she spanked me when I was a child. I asked her when she had done that because I don’t remember her EVER spanking me as a child. She was floored! For my entire life she was afraid I was harboring these awful feelings towards her and I didn’t even know what she was talking about.

    When you parent with love, I believe, that is what you get in return.

  2. What a fine choice of words your daughter made. She’s a budding writer, I predict.

    I’ve noticed many writers who lost their mothers when very young write as if they feel the void; mothers and motherlessness are often major themes in their work. I expect the same is true for people who don’t write.

    Even if your kids hadn’t had the chance to get to know you, I’ll bet they would have thought of you often and wondered about you. You wouldn’t have needed someone to be your advocate to them; they’d have felt your loss keenly no matter what, and they probably would have gone looking for more information about you wherever it could be found.

    That said, it’s so much better that you’re here today. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s