I swear I can do it

One of my staff members thinks I’ll only make it a week with my no swearing resolution. Little shi….stinker.

Actually, I broke that one already while catching up with my sister yesterday. I don’t even remember what we were talking about, but I said a bad word or two while paraphrasing something. She told me I needed to hang up the phone right then before I completely blew it only 12 hours into the new year, so I did. (We had been gabbing for quite a while anyway.) It’s not like every word out of my mouth is one, but I guess that’s how I vent.

So far so good today… even driving into work. With other drivers on the road. In the snow. There is definitely hope for me.


19 thoughts on “I swear I can do it

  1. The car is where I’m the WORST! And because I usually have a kid or two in the car I’ve really had to watch myself. Hubs is worse than I am, though. Several months ago hubs said something about some cars cutting him off and Bubba said “I call those f&*cker cars.” GAH! Obviously hubs needs to work on his language a little bit!

  2. Lani says:

    If I didn’t swear like a trucker, my children would get scared and ask “where did our Mom go?” For me, there are only two words I will never say…1) Jesus Christ (only in prayer) and 2) the “N” word. You will NEVER, EVER hear me say those words, nor my children! I will slap the shi..crap out of them and they know it!

  3. Ladies: it is hard to believe but this woman with a truck driver mouth has sworn only under her breath for something like 2 days in a row. Even while having to work on a rush presentation and other requests from the dreaded SALES department right after the holidays! (Sorry, folks in Sales. Just be nice to your support team.) I think I might start saying “Pickles!” or “Barnacles!” — which is what T-Rex says…so far, anyway. But I’m afraid my coworkers will think I’m even kookier than when I swear.

    Madame: your son’s comment cracked me up, and Lani, when my daughter was about 4 we were taking a long, hellish car ride (“Hell” in the descriptive/location not swearing sense). My mom happened to be traveling a leg of the journey with us when Drama Girl says, “Jesus Christ!” from the backseat. She wasn’t praying, let me tell you. I think it was related to another driver. My mom looked at me funny as I said, “I don’t know where she got that!”

  4. curt says:

    ha — for about the 1st 15 years of my life, I thought my first name was “jesus christ.”

    as in, “jesus christ curt, get outside and mow the f-ing lawn before I kick your ass from here to blawnox.”

    ok, mom!

    she’s half-german, half-sailor.

  5. Whew, good luck. I don’t think I’d make it 15 feet on the subway without the ability to mutter, “Jesus f*#$ing CHRIST, dude, make a decision will you?”

  6. Lani says:

    Believe me gentlemen when I say….for the two things I won’t say, my vocabulary is extensive and I MORE than make up for it! You should hear me on a soccer a field. My favorite these days are to call unskilled men players…how do I write this…male performed fellatio givers!

  7. Curt, Jeff and Lani: I love you all just the way you are. I’m sure Jesus loves you, too.

    BTW, you do realize I’m doing this partially to prove to myself just that I can…right? Like the giving up Diet Coke thing. While the no swearing has proven to be challenging the last few days (have you ever tried to work in PowerPoint for 3 days without swearing?!), the REAL test will be when I try something REALLY HARD like losing weight, getting consistent about exercising, writing a f&^%$g book…!

    (Hey, I never said I couldn’t cuss while I WRITE.)

  8. Hey Susan, if you need a break from indecent goodness, dig out some Kid Rock and sing along. BTW: I have the utmost respect for you not slipping under PowerPoint strain. Good freakin’luck with it. Keep us posted.

  9. Writesome: I think I WILL dig out some Kid Rock. As for the PowerPoint, I didn’t say I wouldn’t throw my computer monitor on the ground, just no swearing. (Kidding…so far)

    Jenn: I knew you were a kind soul! Thank you for nurturing my lonesome words. It’s like an Adopt-A-Cuss, no kill shelter. I know you’ll take good care of them.

  10. Wish you the best of luck with the no swearing….I could never do it – not with two stupid f-ing dogs that I have in my house! It’s amazing that my 3 year old hasn’t said the “F” word yet – since she certainly hears it enough and she repeats everything else I say!!! And I swear (no pun intended) that my son’s first word was going to be “Dickhead” since that’s what I used to say while driving to work in NJ everyday! But thankfully his first word was “bubble”……..again, wishing you the best of luck with no swearing!

  11. I’ve had the nastiest mouth since I was 6 years old. I learned every bad word and every dirty jokes at Day Care. My Mother and Stepmonster thought it was hysterical to here these words and jokes cominng out of this 6 year olds mouth, so they’d have me tell jokes at their parties.
    As i got older it only got worse. in High School in the 70’s in Southern California, F—was used as a noun, an adjective, a verb, an adverb…..well just about every other word. I’ve always believed words are just letters strung together that we give meaning to. It’s like going to another country where words or hand gestures that mean nothing here are teribly offensive there. About 10 years ago I was auditioning for a play called “The Heidi Chronicles”. Most of the actors payed 4 parts. One of the parts was a Feminist, liberal, foul mouthed lesbian manhater. Several of the women wouldn’t audition for the part because of the language. I thought it was a hoot. I received a phone that night from the director. He asked “Where did you come from?” I said “from around here.”, thinking I’d never auditioned for him before and it is a small community. He said “No, that’s not what I meant. You can say Co– su—- As—– like someone else would say please pass the salt. You’ve got the part” Later when my then 11 year old was running lines with me, he stopped for a second and said, ” Mom, this character talks just like you.” Funny thing is he’s 21 now and his brother is 24 and they rarely use foul language. You never know.
    Lisa ( Theatregal)

  12. Lulu, Beth, and Lisa: I see I’m not alone with the potty mouth. So far, so good, though. I won’t say I haven’t slipped up here or there, but I’ve been fairly swear-free for the first 10 days of the year.

    Lisa: that’s a funny story. I guess I would have thought the acting crowd wouldn’t be so against auditioning for the role since that’s what acting is all about. Interesting, too, about your sons. Maybe you swore enough for all 3 of you!

  13. I’m sure I do and I know I’ll never stop. What’s the point? There are a lot worse things I could be doing. Having a potty mouth is cupcakes by comarison. It’s all relative.

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