Jane Austen, Navy Seals and holiday prep

Over the weekend I finished up my holiday shopping and the kids and I decorated our three — yes, 3 — trees and one OSHA-challenged gingerbread house. (Tip: Use a hot glue gun or wood glue instead of icing to construct it, assuming you don’t plan to eat the gingerbread — and if you use one of those kits, why in the hell would you even want to eat it?) Plus, yesterday I saw a neat stage adaptation of Pride & Prejudice with Cindy of My Brilliant Mistakes. Did you know Jane Austen’s birthday is/was December 16th? I didn’t until they played Happy Birthday at the end of the performance. Before someone told me the significance of this, I just thought it was an odd song to play.

Today I go for a detailed eye exam in preparation for my LASIK appointment, which is scheduled late next week. I met the optometrist, who will do the eval and assist the opthamologist during the procedure, in a social setting about a year ago. He’s a bad boy, that one — albeit a rather attractive bad boy in his lean, all-American-good-looks kind of way. Just the other week I learned he was once a Navy Seal, but I’m not sure if this makes me feel better or worse. On the one hand, he’s demonstrated he can be highly focused and feels a strong sense of duty to protect the innocent. On the other, I can only hope he doesn’t have a flashback of some reconnaissance mission and snap my neck while I have my face pressed against that crazy machine. Time will tell.

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5 thoughts on “Jane Austen, Navy Seals and holiday prep

  1. Sounds like a great idea for an action movie.

    (said in the movie-guy voice)

    They wanted to take his family…but clearly their plan was a little short-sighted.

    The Rock IS…

    THE OPTOMETRIST

    (Cut to him aiming his assault rifle at the bad guy.)

    Optometrist: “I’ve just got one question for you. Better?”
    (He empties the clip into the bad guy.)
    Optometrist: “…or worse.”

    Rated R for gratuitous use of eyedrops.

  2. Curt and Jeff: It turns out Dr. Navy Seal is rather nice and friendly (and still damn cute). Sure, my eyesight is still blurry as I type this going on an hour after getting back home, but that’s his job, see. Ha, see. See?

    Jeff: I cracked up when I saw your comment before I left work for my appointment. I had a hard time not laughing when Doc was flipping the little lenses in the machine: “Which is better? This one…or this one? Better? Or worse?” It’s like the optometrist’s version of waterboarding. If I write the screenplay, I promise you the voice-over work — or even the role of bad guy who gets blown away.

  3. I’d also be great as the cowardly “Game over, man!!” guy a la Bill Paxton in Aliens. You know, if you could work that in.

    (If you ever get a chance, a comic named Brian Regan does a brilliant bit about the “Better/Worse” thing on his Comedy Central special.)

  4. Jeff: You have my word, you’re in. I’ll check out the comic you mentioned. It will be more entertaining than watching the required DVD they gave me, which is to be followed by my signing the required legal forms stating that I understand there are no promises that they won’t blind me or slice off my ear with the laser.

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