Other random things that confuse me

(Besides my case of spamalot)

Why does a grown man/woman keep stuffed animals along the back window of his/her car? (Follow-up: why do men wearing hats all turn out to be old, slow drivers?)

Why does every teenager working the register at Panera — anywhere in the country — look at me with the same blank face when I order something?

Why does my son insist on stripping off his shirt every time he goes to the bathroom — a la George Castanza? (Yesterday he admitted to retrieving his sister’s half-eaten sandwich from the top of the garbage, too. Apparently years of watching Seinfeld reruns had seeped into The Ex’s sperm.)

Who is everyone talking to on their cellphones?

Why do men think women are fascinated with, you know, their maleness? (See, I’m breaking the p-word habit.) You know, we’re really not all that fascinated.

Why do I feel an innate need to hoard all of the free napkins in the world? I’m not that messy, but I must grab like 6 napkins with every cup of coffee, probably 12 with every takeout order. (Only a slight exaggeration.) I was going to take a photo of the napkins I have stashed in my desk drawer, but I thought my coworkers would look at me funny. But they wouldn’t think so if there was a nuclear war and they needed one, now would they?

Why exactly did I start this post?


7 thoughts on “Other random things that confuse me

  1. Bubba used to have to be completely naked to sit on the potty, something I could never completely understand. It just seemed too…vulnerable somehow. I think going potty at preschool did a lot to help him change that habit. Nothing like a little peer pressure.

  2. Oh, please take a photo of the napkins! I am a napkin whore hoarder, too! Isn’t that an odd thing to be? But no more odd than the whole stuffed-animal-in-the-window thing. I don’t get that at all.

  3. Another napkin whore! LL, the similarities just don’t stop. I’m beginning to think we are both a little off our rockers, eh? Neat and tidy crazy ladies, though (with awesome sense of humor). Always neat with those napkins handy.

    MQ – I’m waiting for a call from school one day that my son is running around naked, but it hasn’t happened yet. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

    Sophie – you are my best friend. And I’m not just saying that. Honest.

  4. Count me in as a napkin hoarder, as well. I don’t, however, take more napkins than I expect to use — but inevitably, I’ll still end up with more than I needed, and they’ll get stuffed into my pockets and eventually end up in my desk.

    I also am unable to throw away any take-out condiments that come my way, even though I don’t use condiments on anything. I have packets of Duck Sauce from before Y2K. I freakin’ hate Duck Sauce.

  5. Bob, now all we need is someone who hoards those little cracker noodle things they have at Chinese restaurants and we’d be all set. Ha! Wouldn’t everyone be jealous.

  6. Found you via Manslations. Thanks for asking the “great” question that’s been puzzling me too.

    As a fellow napkin whore, I think it comes down to not trusting ourselves with our food or maybe it’s because kids will always spill something, just when you think you’re getting out clean. Actually, I pretty much hoard everything. I have a diaper in my desk drawer for instance. It may be genetics. My mother has a bag of tartar sauce, ketchup, salt and pepper that must have started, oh, 10 years ago.

    I used to hoard ketchup in my desk drawer until I realized the packets were empty and the mice were getting fat.

    Love you site. I’ll be back.

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