Morning, Mom

Out of the mouths of babes this morning:

T-Rex: Look! My weiner’s so big. Why does it get so big? It hurts because it’s so big. It’s feels like a rock. [Etc.]

I don’t know, sweetheart. I only know that it will likely rule your life and get you to do stupid things one day when it is not behaving like a limp lizard.

Drama Girl: Mom, your stomach looks like it has a baby in it.

I don’t quite buy the whole Immaculate Conception thing so I’m pretty sure it’s just Mommy’s stress eating (noting a particular fondness for the Oreos I buy for YOU and your brother) and her lack of exercise. But thanks for noticing.

I love my kids and they amuse me. But some days I just want the duct tape handy to put over their mouths. And then I’ll wrap it around my bulging middle like a corset so I can stop sitting here at my desk sucking in my gut.


6 thoughts on “Morning, Mom

  1. curt says:

    hey — I don’t need your son making me feel like less of a man. 😦

    and, now — I have that damned “viva viagra” song in my head. those bastards. I bet the king is rolling around in his jump suit in his grave.

  2. Sophie says:

    Your son’s comment: uh, I’m glad I have a daughter. I probably would have just laughed myself silly and given him a BIG complex.

    Your daughter’s comment: yea. I get that one, too. Unfortunately, Pumpkin says it to my friends, too. hurray.

  3. OhmyGOD! How did you keep a straight face when your son told you that?! I’m reminded of when my best friend’s toddler was sitting on her lap, looking at me and rattling off the things he knew not to do:

    “We don’t push. And we don’t scream. And we don’t say fuck.”

    I had to keep a straight face while his mom bit her lip and shook with convulsions! “You’re right,” I nodded, “we don’t say that.”

    “No,” he shook his head, “We don’t say fuck.”

  4. Bubba once said to me “Mommy, why is your belly so big?” I had to give him Lesson #1 in talking to women — Women don’t like to be told that they’re fat. It makes them sad. Very, very sad. I hope it sticks with him!

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