Have you ever seen The Pickup Artist on Vh1? This reality show is yet another “tale of transformation,” touting that “for these eight lovable losers, ‘socially awkward’ is the understatement of the year. And when it comes to this lonely hearts club, desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Desperate all right. Desperate for a slap of commonsense upside the head.
Watching it makes me desperate for a drink.
If you haven’t seen this show, you should — if only for one or more of the following three reasons:
- You are glad you are not dating anymore and need to feel superior (or sympathetic) to those of us who are.
- You need to be reminded why you should never live your life on national TV.
- You relish the fact that you’re not young and foolish enough to seek advice from any idiot around…anymore.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I have a soft spot for socially awkward, good-hearted, but not so cool people. (This is probably why I am a geek magnet, come to think of it. Or just a geek.) I agree with the idea of being aware of your body language, how to dress and act more confident, how to silence your inner critic, how to take chances.
But, honestly, guys. Insecurities aside, how can you take this advice seriously when your expert’s name is…Mystery? And he has buggy eyes rimmed in black eyeliner? With strange piercings on his face? And wears aviator goggles and a lice-infested hat you’d find half off at the temporary Halloween store set up in the abandoned building down the street — a hat like this one?
I happen to have the show on now. (Cut me some slack. The kids are at The Ex’s so I don’t have to watch Hannah Montana.) They just showed the winner of some “field contest” — a young, cute enough guy who scored the prize by making out with an attractive girl at some bar. Do you think he understands that she made out with him because she was completely off her rocker drunk? I wonder if she passed out on him, like what happened to me.
Probably not. He’s an aspiring pick-up artist. I am SO not one.
Update: OK, now I’ve had this show on in the background for over an hour (again, cut me some slack). In case any of the contestants or defenders of these innocents are reading this…all I’m saying is you guys aren’t stupid, so don’t do stupid stunts and expect to find love in a bar filled with drunken 20-somethings. (I know it can happen, but love?) Forget the slick talk and the cool acts. Just listen, be truthful (usually), be respectful, don’t be cocky and DON’T be spineless. It will get you farther than most.
See, I do have a soft spot.